Neon Genesis Evangelion: A Moment of Looney Levity
by Author0fntent
Summary: In which the 2nd Child's attempt at a clever prank goes hilariously awry.


*DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Gainax or Warner Brothers...Only whatever merchandise they put out.*

It was another day at school in Tokyo-3, with just a few minutes before lunch. EVA pilots Shinji Ikari, Asuka Sohryu and Rei Ayanami, along with the rest of their class, were wrapping up their music lessons. It wasn't exactly another day for Asuka, as she was going to try her luck with a small prank. She had everything all in place for her plan: a small catapult-like contraption she'd rigged up in shop class, a cream pie baked for her by one of her erstwhile 'admirers' in home ec, and lastly, a large xylophone right here in the music room. When her potential victim wasn't looking, she had rigged the device and the pie under the xylophone, so that when a certain note was hit, it would trigger the device and launch the pie into her target's face. The target of this carefully-planned joke? None other than Rei. Asuka walked up to Rei, putting up a facade of friendliness.

"Oh Reeeeiiii...Can I ask you about something?" inquired Asuka.

"Certainly. What is it you require?" Rei responded.

"There's this piece on the xylophone I've been having a tough time with, and I was wondering if you might be able to do better. Do you think you can take a look?" asked Asuka with feigned politeness.

Rei accompanied Asuka back to the xylophone, which had an open book of sheet music on its stand. Shinji, Kensuke Aida, Toji Suzuhara, and Hikari Horaki had earlier caught a glimpse of Asuka making the modifications to the instrument and were now watching with nervous trepidation. To them, Rei was unaware of the trap that'd been set for her, and wondered if she'd actually react to being tricked this way. Rei herself took a look at the open book and gazed at the musical piece in question: an old Irish folk tune called "Believe Me, if All Those Endearing Young Charms".

"Well, go ahead-give it a try!" Asuka insisted, careful to stifle a giggle or two as she stepped back a short distance.

Rei, shrugging her shoulders, picked up the two mallets and began to play the song. Rei played the song almost perfectly, until she hit the wrong note. Asuka was not too happy.

"Hhhhhh...WRONG, ya dumpkoff doll! Try again-and play it RIGHT!" barked Asuka.

Rei, looking briefly at her frustrated fellow pilot, turned back to play the song again. As before, she played the song almost perfectly, but this time, she not only hit the wrong final note, she also hit a couple of extra unnecessary ones. Asuka, who'd been looking on expectantly, was now peeved. She stormed over to Rei and grabbed the mallets out of her hands.

"RRRRRRRR-NO, NO, NO, ya stupid doll! Like THIS!" fumed Asuka.

The pilot of EVA Unit-02 then furiously and quickly played through the song, and managed to hit the right final note-which proved to be a big mistake. Unfortunately, it was too late.

BOING! SPLAT!

There a shocked (and royally _had_) Asuka stood, mallets in her hands, a cream pie all over her face, and the unacknowledged audience of Shinji, Kensuke (getting it all on film with his trusty camera, naturally), Toji, and Hikari looking on in great surprise. They then turned their attention to Rei. Unfazed by what had just happened, Rei then sat back down at her desk, opened her lunch bag, and took out a carrot that she then proceeded to nibble on, slouching back slightly in her chair. When she finally noticed the still-stunned faces of her friends (including the pie-faced Asuka) looking at her, Rei simply said one thing, the faintest trace of a smile on her lips.

"Gee, ain't I a stinker?"

Penpen [bursting out of a certain title card]: WARK! That's all, folks!

Author's Note(s):  
Hi there-first-timer here, both to this site and the Evangelion mythos and fandom (which, I'm told, can sometimes be a real sting-fest). As a whole, my opinion so far is, MAN this is a dreary universe. So I decided that it might be fun to bring a bit more joy and laughter into the lives of these characters...And maybe give a certain few some minor comeuppance. This short piece is my first swing with that line of thinking. It's inspired, of course, by a gag from the classic 1957 _Looney Tunes_ short "Show Biz Bugs", although the end results of Daffy's attempted xylophone shenanigans were a bit more...Explosive, shall we say.

Anyway, let me know if it made you laugh, cry, or otherwise wonder if it's wabbit season or duck season. Regarding my future endeavors on this site, to paraphrase an immortal lounge singer by the name of Nick, "Sit back, have a hot-buttered rum, and enjoy...Whatever I manage to jot down and hopefully not run out of ideas".


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